


She Knows

by LadyFrandrews



Series: Fathom [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Secret Relationship, Semi-established relationship, brief mention of non-con, max's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-20 11:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17021808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFrandrews/pseuds/LadyFrandrews
Summary: He’s angry again because whoever this Princess skank is, hurt him--broke his heart.-x-x-x-“Come on in Princess, say hello to Maxine,” Billy said as he pushed her door open wider to reveal the person standing beside him.





	1. That Night

* * *

 

_It is better to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.”_

_Vanity Fair_ by William Makepeace Thackeray

* * *

 

She knows she’s being reckless standing in the middle of _his_ bedroom--but she’d heard the Camaro start and squeal tires off into the distance. She knew she had at least an hour to explore uninterrupted.

 

Mom and Neil were at some stupid adult activity at church for the morning and Billy didn’t even wait until they’d be half-way to church before he just left.

 

She wouldn’t tell them that he’d left her alone. She’s thirteen and is not the little girl Neil presumes her to be. Plus, she’s tired of pretending not to know that Neil’s an asshole who takes all of his anger out on his own son. She doesn’t know what her mom sees in him. Then again, she didn’t know what she saw in her own father either.

 

She knows that she and Billy have their good moments, rare as they are between all the bad ones. She knows it was both of their faults as to why they’re in this messed up small town.

 

She smirks at his little vanity station. He’d never actually call it a vanity, but she knows one when she sees one. He’s always been obsessed with how he looks. She realizes it’s his mask. His physical barrier to keep people at arm’s length because if they think they’re getting what they’re seeing, he won’t get hurt again.

 

She noticed some books at the top of his closet shelf. Billy loved to read. It was one of the first things she noticed about him when their families first cohabited back in Cali. He had a lot more books then too. After _that night_ though, she remembers seeing flickering orange light outside of her bedroom window, through the ugly pink curtains her mom picked out. Neil was burning something in a barrel in the backyard. She now knows it was Billy’s book collection.

 

She moves one of his crates of records and kicks the empty one underneath towards his closet. She steps on top of it and reaches up for the books. It’s the one in the middle that caught her attention. It doesn’t look like the others.

 

At least not if you’re paying attention, and she’s always paid attention to details. Like last year when they moved here and she’d started school, and the boys she now calls her best friends stalked her for days before Dustin and Lucas had the balls to finally approach her. She knew they were going to dig in the trash for her note. She didn’t have to stick around to know they had.

 

She flips the other books open and realizes the loopy cursive inside is his mom’s handwriting. Her mom told her one night, not too long after she started to date Neil, that he was a widower. She knows that’s bullshit though. Billy gets postcards he never gets to see with the same handwriting every month.

 

She stacks them to the side and pulls down the one she came in here for. She stepped down and sat on the crate and cracked open the book in her hands. She recognized Billy’s own handwriting immediately.

 

He keeps a journal.

 

He doesn’t date them which she finds a little annoying, but in reality, this isn’t for her, it’s for him. She flips through the pages and notices some pages have indentations because he pressed so hard with his pen on the previous page. She notices that some have water spots on them. She touches one that blurs out half a word she thinks is ‘mamma’ and quickly turns to the page that has a ticket stub hanging out.

 

She knows he’s human but his rage lately is blinding.

 

She checks the date on the ticket and realizes it’s from _that night_. The one that changed everything in the Mayfield-Hargrove household. Her mom and bought him the ticket as a birthday present a month or so before. Nobody but Billy listened to them, and it was at a small venue that allow minors in for concerts--and it was close to home.

 

For some reason, Neil will cave to her mom. She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t want to.

She remembers it being late when a car pulled up to the house--she’d been sent to bed at least two hours prior. It wasn’t the car Billy had left in though. She watched through the curtains as Billy climbed out from the backseat behind someone else and stared at the house as if he was searching for someone to be peeking out of the windows.

 

She knows now that what she saw was _wrong_ \--in its context. Her lights were off so nobody outside knew she was watching.

 

The person who climbed out before him was older, not their parent’s age, but definitely older than Billy. He grabbed Billy’s arm and shoved him against the car and pressed in close. She could see Billy mouthing something as he kept turning his head away. The older man grabbed Billy’s face with his other hand and even from where she stood in her room, she could tell his fingers were pressing into Billy’s cheeks and jaw hard.

 

The older man dipped his head down and she could see the hand that was gripping Billy’s arm shift down and disappear between their bodies. She knows _now_ that Billy had been trying to fight him off. He didn’t want it. But that older guy had been bigger and broader than Billy.

 

But the light from the front porch flicked on and then she heard Neil’s voice. All he’d seen was the moment--not its context. He just assumed Billy _wanted_ it.

 

She watched as the older man glared over his shoulder towards the front of the house and mouthed something at Neil. Next thing she realizes she’s witnessing is Neil yelling and coming into view. He shoves the man off Billy and grabs his own son by the hair and pulls him towards the house.

 

She notices lights coming on in the upstairs windows of the house next door, and the one across the street. She hears the door, three down from her own, open--her mom’s awake.

 

She hears the front door slam along with Neil’s raised voice. The things he’s saying to Billy aren’t _new_ . She’s heard them for a year now. It’s just this is the first time, according to Neil, there’s _proof_.

 

She shakes her head, coming back to the present--sitting on a crate in Billy’s room with his journal in her lap. She flips through some more pages--scribbles, hard pressing of the pens he’s used, and then something catches her eye.

 

It’s a small tiny heart at the top left corner of the page. Then flips through a few after to the most recent entry--ten pages with the tiny heart in the upper left-hand corner.

 

She skims through some of the pages with the hearts and realizes that Billy’s got a crush. No, she realizes as she skims through some more pages--Billy’s _in love_.

 

He’s still so angry all the time--who could love a person like that?

 

She recognizes the Tennyson quote about love he’s scribbled at the top of the most recent page-- _“Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.”_ There’s no heart in the upper left-hand corner. She checks the entry before this one--the heart is scratched out.

 

She listens to the sounds outside on the street--no sign of the Camaro.

 

She takes a deep breath and begins to read.

 

She knows that Billy’s smart, smarter than Neil ever gives him credit for. She’s seen his report cards; Mom hangs them up on the fridge until Neil throws them away. She wonders if Billy’s ever seen one on the fridge before. Or if they just end up in the trash like his mom’s postcards.

 

Her brows furrow, he’s confused, as if he knew this relationship was going to end--and it’d be his fault-- _I was told from the start that I shouldn’t fall for my Princess. It would end with_ _my_ _heart in pieces. I just didn’t think all those stupid songs and movies about teenage romance would be so accurate in how devastating I’d feel._

 

She thinks about it for a moment, he’d had a bit of time where he was more tolerable, and they actually had a few good moments together, but he was back to how he was when they first moved here. All bitter and angry. _So angry_.

 

She stares down at the words in her lap and realizes he’s angry because he’s _hurting_ . He’d been angry since California-- _that night_ \--because some guy _forced_ Billy into a position _he didn’t want_ to be in and Neil read it all _wrong_. He’s angry again because whoever this Princess skank is, hurt him--broke his heart. For the first time.

 

She doesn’t ever remember Billy bringing anyone over, not even back in Cali. He’d acknowledge people in passing if they were out as a family and someone said hello, mostly because Neil would say he’s being rude if he didn’t. But she knows he always reacted to the guys that said hello in public stiffer and colder than any of the girls. Could this skank actually be a dude?

 

He’d taken her and some of her friends to the movies a few times, and both of them would bitch about how cliche the teen romances were. She’d had _some_ girly friends back west. Some of them would even giggle and gush about how cute they thought her brother was.

 

She heard the front door slam shut--she’d never heard the Camaro or Neil’s truck. She quickly put things away and listened as the footsteps thankfully went to the bathroom. She quietly left Billy’s room and returned to her own.

 

“Hey, shitbird, you home?”

 

She sat down on her bed, grabbing the walkie under her pillow, as the toilet flushed and footsteps headed her direction.

 

He didn’t knock before opening her door.

 

“I didn’t hear your car.”

 

He shrugged, “I got a ride. I’ll be getting it later. You going out anytime soon?”

 

She stared at him--he was nervous. No, he was anxious. He wanted her to leave. He wanted to be home alone.

 

“You’re bringing someone _over_? Are they _here_? _Are you crazy_?”

 

She hadn’t meant to yell that last part.

 

She watched as Billy licked his lips.

 

“What will it take for you to be quiet about it?” He asked.

 

What she wanted to say was, _Who the hell is Princess?_ But she knows better. He’d never forgive her for snooping. So what she says is, “Tell me who it is, and for the rest of month, give my friends rides if we need one.”

 

She could tell he immediately wanted to tell her no, but she watched him, meeting his eyes, not backing down.

 

“Deal. If you’re not going to leave, can you at least keep an ear out for Neil’s truck? Turn the stereo on really loud if they're approaching?”

 

“Why are you so nervous if it’s just some chick you’re going to bang? Like I care who you bring home.”

 

He smirked. She just messed up, but she doesn’t know how.

 

“So you’ll keep an ear out?”

 

She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, “It’s only eleven, Mom’s selling some of her shitty crafts at the bazaar. It’s not over until one. You’ve got time. Now bring your fling in so I can judge them before you go to your room.”

 

She watched as he smirked again before leaning back and glancing down the hallway and nodding his head as if to say come here.

 

She was not backing down from who had overheard their conversation. She knows he hangs out with stupid girls--cows he called them.

 

“Come on in Princess, say hello to Maxine,” Billy said as he pushed her door open wider to reveal the person standing beside him.

 

Now she understands why he kept smirking at her reference to a girl. The person smiling and waving at her was anything but a girl.

 

“Hey Max, how’s it going?”

 

“Steve. Billy didn’t threaten you again did he? You’re actually here of your own volition?”

 

Steve laughed and nodded, “Yes, ma’am. Of my own free will. Billy here is tutoring me in English.”

 

“Come on, come on, you’ve had your moments, _the both of you_ , now let’s go.” Billy tugged on Steve’s shirt-sleeve down the hall towards his room.

 

The moment they were both out of sight and she heard the soft click of his door shutting behind them she realized that Billy was talking about Steve in his journal.

 

Steve is Princess.

 

Steve broke his heart.

 

Oh my god, Billy is in love with Steve!

 

And she couldn’t tell anybody.


	2. Her Choices

She laughed to herself when she heard music turn on in Billy's room. Followed by a few telling thumps of bodies landing on a bed.

She wonders though, if Steve knows that Billy loves him.

Billy's not a virgin. That was written in large, blocky letters on one of the pages before the night of the concert. She was glad for him, it was with his friend who respected his boundaries. She doesn't like to think about that night, and how much worse it could've been if Neil hadn't been watching out the window for Billy to get home.

Would that guy have done more damage than he had? Would she have banged on the window and yelled for him to leave Billy alone?

She knows Steve is not a virgin either. Nancy had tried to get a girl's night with her and El, but Mike got jealous and demanded that it be at their house. So in the middle of Nancy realizing that El and she, Max, are not interested in painting their nails and talking about boys, she left them with a few of her silly games. She was talking with one of her friends and thought music would drown her conversation. Max heard things about Steve, Will's brother, and some kid in Nancy's class who she did stuff with. Things she never needed to know.

She gets the idea of how things work. Her mom had the talk when she first started her period last year.

She heard laughing from down the hall. She recognized Steve's immediately, but she realized that she has never heard Billy laugh like that before.

She is not shocked by Billy being into Steve. She can admit that he's very pretty, and she likes that he tries to keep up with the Party. He really does try.

The more she thinks about it, and Billy's behavior, she realizes that the hearts he drew are  _months_ old, not days or weeks.

He was still an asshole about a lot of things, but he stopped complaining about giving her rides, or dropping her off and having to stay with her as a chaperone.

She knows now that it was all because Steve was going to be there.

She wonders if Billy made the first move. But then she thinks about the Snow Ball and how she planted one on Lucas. Maybe Steve put the moves on first.

It makes more sense than Billy.

Not that he couldn't or wouldn't make the first move, but she's watched him with the cows at school and around town. He's very good at being someone they want him to be instead of himself.

Maybe that's why he loves Steve. Steve doesn't like bullshit. He probably saw through Billy's bravado that night at the Byers house. The Upside Down really makes you think about things differently.

She looks out the window, then at the clock on the wall, and darts to the stereo and turns it on. Metallica blasts through the house. Her eyes are glued on the blue truck ambling down the street.

She hears thuds as the boys are doing whatever they are doing. She doesn't see them leave, but she can tell they're gone.

She darts down the hall just to be safe and then goes back to the living room to turn the stereo down. Let Neil say something about her listening to this stuff.

She has just enough time to grab a comic book from her room and plop down on the sofa and open up a few pages in before the door opens.

“We're home guys! Oh hello sweetie, is Billy home?”

She smiled at her mom, “No, he got a job tutoring some rich kid in his class. The mom called and asked if he could come over asap. Apparently her kid's an idiot.”

“Name?” Neil all but barked at her.

“Harrington. Mrs. Harrington. Apparently Mr. Harrington can't throw money at this teacher to just pass his kid.”

She ignored the look on his face and turned back to her comic.

“Ain't that the name of the kid who babysits your friends?”

She nodded, not looking at him at all.

“Excuse me, young lady?”

“Yeah, Steve. His name is Steve,” she said, still not looking at him.

She knows that she probably shouldn't have given up Steve's name like that, but she also knows that if Neil ever touched a hair on his head, Billy would murder him. She's learned that Billy is very possessive. Neil would not stand a chance against a love-struck Billy.

“Sweetie, can you please come help me with dinner? And maybe give Steve a call to see what time Billy will be done?”

The tone of her mom's voice is telling. She's witnessed the aftermath of Neil's temper. Seen firsthand how the man treats his own son. She's trying to be a peacemaker.

Max knows that men like Neil Hargrove will never settle for peace.

But she's not stupid. She knows that Billy's right, it's only a matter of time before Neil takes his anger out on her.

Mom would just keep turning a blind eye. Like she always has.

She rolls her eyes and tosses her comic onto the sofa once she's on her feet. She ignores the sound Neil makes and goes into the kitchen to help her mother.

As she's rinsing off the potatoes the television turns on. It's what her mom was waiting for before she started to talk.

“The Harrington's are out of town.”

She doesn't freeze, or tense up, giving herself up. She just shrugs.

She feels her mom step closer, hesitating before leaning in, probably looking towards the living room.

“Is, does Billy, is he happy with Steve?”

She drops the potato in her hands and looks at her mom.

“I, it's okay sweetie. I promise I won't say anything to Neil. I know what he thinks of all that.”

“You know? You  _know_ and you let him treat his son like that?”

She's trying not to raise her voice, but come on!

“Maxine, it's complicated. Men, men like Neil, have, they've been through things that changed them.”

She turned away from the sink and stepped away from her mother, “I'm not going to listen to you defend him. It's not right. He made quick judgment on  _that night_ and here we are in the middle of nowhere, and joke's on him because Billy is happy.”

She doesn't want to defend Billy, but if her mom's gonna paint Neil as a victim of war, she's not having it.

“Did you see something that night?”

She will forever hate the look on her mom's face.

“I'm pretty sure that I saw more than you or Neil  _ever_ let Billy try and explain. That guy  _forced_ himself into Billy's space.  _Touched_ him when all Billy was trying to do was _get away._ ”

Her mom sat down at the table and just stared at Max with wet eyes.

“Do you throw away his mom's postcards, or is that all Neil? I kept one. I don't think it's fair that you allow Neil to feed him lies. She misses him. Wants to visit him.”

She watches the color drain from her mother's face.

“That woman is not well. She has made her choices.”

“Like you've made yours?”

She didn't wait for an answer. She turned to the back door and made sure to slam it hard on her way out. She stormed down the stairs and started walking in the direction of Lucas’ house.

She thinks she's beginning to understand the anger that constantly rages in Billy. If she had to deal with his dad and her mom, she'd go crazy too.

She kicks a rock for a few blocks and realizes that she hates the fact that they live on the other side of town. The other side of the tracks. The _wrong_ side of town. The _poor_ side.

She wonders if Billy makes fun of Steve and his big house. Is that why he calls him Princess?

Is he always angry because he's gotta fight for just being in love with a boy? Does he ever get memories from that night?

She knows that he can easily overpower his dad, but fear does something to a person. Billy may be a bit compact for a boy, but he's all rage and muscle. She wonders if it's so nobody else can make him do something that he doesn't want to.

She glances up at the next street corner and changes direction. Two streets up, hang a left, and she's headed right for Loch Nora.

Those two boys were going to answer questions and she was not going to take no for an answer.


	3. Secret Keeper

She smiles at the sight of their cars parked side-by-side in Steve's driveway. Both very fitting for their owners.

Steve's BMW, speaks volumes about his home life. Spoiled. Even if it is a hand-me-down from his dad. He has money at his disposal that Max has never experienced.

Billy's Camaro. Loud, blue, and flashy. Just like him. It was supposedly the last thing his mom left him. It was hers. He knows how to take it apart and put it back together.

She knocks on the door, rings the doorbell a few times. And waits.

“--wear Dusti--oh, hey Max.”

She waves, “Hi, not Dustin.”

She doesn't let him invite her in, she just pushes her way in.

Steve backs up immediately. Right into Billy's chest.

“Geeze you two are gross. Do you follow him to the bathroom too?”

Billy stares at her before he speaks, “What happened?”

She shrugs, “Mom being mom. Neil being Neil.”

She watches as his eyes dart around her face and then down her arms. He's looking for _marks_.

“Uh, we, we were making waffles. You want some?”

Both her and Billy turn to Steve who can't decide who to look at. She smiles and nods.

“Come on then, we were in the kitchen.”

She doesn't miss the quick hand squeeze they give each other as Steve turns away and walks further into the house.

Billy put his arm out, blocking her path, “Spill. Now.”

She rolls her eyes, “You're welcome for the warning. Pretty intense  _studying,_ huh?”

She wants to remember this moment forever--he's embarrassed! His entire face is flushed.

“You're a little shit.”

She shrugged.

“Babe, your waffles are getting cold!” Steve's voice comes from the kitchen.

The red on Billy's face darkens. Max mouths ‘babe’ and laughs.

She heads towards Steve's voice and notices that his face is pink.

“Uh, it's, a habit,” he manages to get out. A useless explanation.

She smiles as she sits down on a stool at the tall counter he's standing at.

“You ever been in love Steve?”

She is warmed by him immediately searching for Billy.

“A few times. I have a habit of falling hard and fast.”

“Are you currently in love?”

He fumbles with the plate in his hands, “Uh, I mean, I don't, I--”

“So that's a yes,” she answers for him. Enjoying the way he flushes red. “He loves you too.”

“He does?”

She hates the underlying devastation that squeaks out in the older boy's voice. She loves the sparkle of his eyes more though.

“Oh, you guys haven't had that talk yet?”

She is not stupid. She knows that Billy's listening in, despite not having followed to the kitchen.

She watches Steve gather his thoughts. Sees the way that he's struggling with keeping up with the rapid firing of his mind.

He wants to make an excuse but doesn't know how.

“I'm, uh, I have tried to but…”

She could hit Billy for putting that kind of ridiculous pressure on Steve.

“But he always brushes it off, or changes the subject? Yeah, that's his dumb idea of ignoring things. He thinks that if you don't talk about it, it doesn't mean anything.”

Steve just nods.

She knows the moment Billy joins them. She sees it in the way Steve's eyes crinkle around the edges, and his mouth turns upward just the tiniest bit.

She knows because that's how Lucas looks at her when he doesn't think she notices him staring.

“You haven't told Steve that you love him yet.”

She was not asking.

She purposefully catches him off guard.

“Why are you here, Maxine?”

She took another bite of her waffles. Let Steve make his heart eyes over her shoulder at Billy.

“I had an epiphany and I needed answers. Why are you here, William? To finally profess your undying love for Steve?”

She felt him step closer, reaching around her to snatch a piece of waffle from her plate. He wasn't angry about her questions. She counted it as a win.

“You're kind of cramping my style if I'm here to make Princess here know how I feel.”

She scoffed, “You don't have a romantic bone in your body.”

He settled on the stool beside her, “And you do? You have the biggest balls out of your nerd herd, and one of ‘em's your boyfriend. Do they all swoon over your high scores at the arcade?”

“You're not denying that you love Steve. Like at all. Not even once.”

Billy must be making the same kind of ridiculous face as Steve because neither of them are paying her actual attention.

She watches as Steve plates some waffles for Billy, even going so far as to buttering and adding syrup to them before sliding the plate across the counter. Only then does Steve make his own plate.

He doesn't grab another stool, and seems very content to just stand across from them while they all dig in. She wonders how many times they have done this before--cooking for each other and sharing meals.

She knows that Billy actually likes to cook, despite the grumbling he typically does at the house. She knows that he had to learn how to after his mom left. She recalls seeing some words in his journal about cooking with her.

“You guys do this a lot? Be all domestic with each other?”

Both of them choke on their current bites of food. She just smiles.

“I like how happy you both look. I haven't seen that on either of you before,” she adds.

They both froze.  
They both have pink tinged cheeks.  
They both still have eyes only for each other.

She digs back in, finishing up her waffles. Letting them have their moments. Showing them that it's really not a big deal for them to just be around her.

She knows that it's shitty they have to hide their love. Kind of like how some stupid kids at school give her and Lucas certain looks if they hold hands in the hallway. Sometimes she kisses his cheek while staring one of those mouthbreathers down, daring them to say something to her face. They never do.

She gets up and heads to the sink, putting her plate and fork inside. She glances over to the stove and gathers those dishes too.

She waves off Steve's remark about her not having to do that. Billy just tosses his plate and fork in the soapy water and heads out towards the living room. Steve follows only moments after.

She's not eavesdropping per se, but the acoustics of Steve's house are very interesting. She can hear them softly talking to each other but she can't quite make out what they're saying.

She hears the radio turn on, the top 40 station Steve plays in his car.

She takes her time washing up, give them a chance to get used to being them in front of someone else.

When she's done with the dishes, she quietly makes her way to the living room. Watching as the two idiots in love sway to whatever slow, love song is playing.

Despite being just a hair taller than Billy, Steve has his head resting on Billy's shoulder. He's smiling and it's not until she can see Billy's face that she understands why, he's softly singing in Steve's ear.

She wishes she had a camera to capture the moment between them. For Steve because he loves to show off his favorite memories. She's seen his mirror in his room. It's the only thing he's personalized in his bedroom. And for Billy, because he, he can tuck it into his journal for safe keeping.

She realizes though, as she's watching them, maybe they don't have to say those three words because they show each other how they feel all the time.

She leaves them to their own devices, closes the front door quietly behind herself. She heads towards Lucas’ house, her original destination.

Sure she's still frustrated with her mom and step-father (she will never refer to him as dad), but she gets it now. Love makes you stupid in the best and worst ways.

Her mom gets blinded by it. She clings to the good times despite the bad ones heavily outweighing them. She's desperate for those moments when everything is okay. She tries so hard to have those moments that she ignores everything else.

Neil, he's capable of love. She knows that. But she thinks his notion of it got warped somewhere on the road of his life. She sees it in the way he looks at her mom. Something softens in his eyes, and his forehead smooths out just a little. She remembers the first time she met him, he loved her a moment then too.

Billy, she thinks, his love burns. It's all consuming and not always in the good way. But with how he is with Steve, allowing her to see them, she's certain that their love is the greatest kind. He's survived everything he's been dealt so far, and with Steve and Steve's love, there's nothing that Billy can't do. Nothing that can keep him from it.

Steve, his love is unconditional. He loves without clauses, or reasons. There are no stipulations to his love. She is loved by him. The Party, even Mike, is loved by him. His heart is one of the purest she's ever known. Billy is lucky to be loved by a heart like that. And to have that kind of love reciprocated, there's nothing that can stand in their way. 

She smiles to herself as she turns the corner onto Lucas' street. Maybe one day she'll tell him all about them, and their love. But for now, they know that she knows. And it's okay.


End file.
